1st Reviews, dude

So I decided that I could make this blog something that helps people, by reviewing shit that is either completely essential to your life, or... well, not. First off: Oxygen

Bro, I know you know that we all need oxygen to live, and that shit is great and stuff, but there are some things that are bigger than either of us, so listen up.

Oxygen is free as fuck, right? Nope. Check this shit:

Oxygen bar? What the fuck dude. I'm going to write a sample conversation to show how fucking idiotic it is to sell oxygen.

Dude: "Hey, broseph, how about a shot of o2?" (I guess anyone trying to sell oxygen might as well be hip, too. And he probably surfs. In indiana.)

Consumer: "Wait, what? Isn't that shit all around us? Like, what am I breathing in right now? (consumer takes a breath)"

Dude: "That's fucking 21% oxygen, broski! Get on this next level shit, man! We've got a kiwi flavor."

Consumer: "What? Whoa. No fucking way. Kiwi? Shit yeah, man, I mean; what else am I doing with my life?"

Dude: "Exactly, friend, see, this shit will cure all that ails you; it'll even fuck up cancer, bud ...now that'll be $1 USD per minute."

Consumer: "Shit man, cancer? I don't even have that yet, but here you go: all my hard earned money. Do you guys accept 401k plans or Roth IRA's?"

What. A. Fucking. Joke. There are places that SELL oxygen? Here's some advice: BREATHE HARDER YOU FUCKING IGNORAMUS. Or, actually, don't. If you stop breathing, I've heard, Google will pay you for every minute you don't breathe. But don't take my word for it.