Dreamweaver

Alright, so I woke up this morning, and I had this dream last night. I know that alot of people dream, but a lot of people also drink coffee, or think that PBR is only for hipsters, so I get the feeling that my dream is special. See, I was chilling in this desert prison, and I had these 2 cell mates: I'll call one "Arthur" and the other "Cenand." And these dudes were cool. I don't even know why I was in this desert prison, but, it's me, so it's not a total surprise. Cenand was falsely accused of treason, and had applied to get his sentence reduced/revoked, and Arthur was just a crafty old indian dude (indian like, from the country, not native american; although they are VERY crafty).

Anyways, the 3 of us are just passing our time, generally hating life in desert prison. The guards were dicks, the food sucked, no escape, etc.; conditions were NOT FUCKING OPTIMAL. Arthur always talked about how he wanted to go back to fucking India, and Cenand showed me pictures of his family. We bro'ed down, HARD.


One day, that dickhead of a prison warden (who looked exactly like the guy from the 5th element) decided he was going to fuck with Cenand, so he provokes a fight in the yard. We fuckin triple teamed BASICALLY THE WHOLE PRISON, and I stomped out a bunch of dudes. Everything was lookin chill, until the warden started blaming my dude. It was looking pretty fuckin grim for a minute, but Cenand had this plan to escape, in case that warden ever decided to be a dick (and he did). So he starts escaping, and Arthur and I are all, "WTF? DO IT, KID!" We're pumped, for sure, but right as he is scaling a wall, the asshole prison warden fires this fucking pot shot that mortally wounds my dude. After what was probably the most heart wrenching monologue ever in a dream/movie/blog, Cenand fuckin crokes. He hands me this picture of his family before he dies and is all, "Make sure they know I was innocent." So that's what I set out to do.

Arthur and I were totally all "FUCK THIS PLACE" at this point, because it sucked. Our wingdude was gone, and we were OVER THAT SHIT. So we started trying to learn all we could about the wardens habits, and we hatched some kind of plan (which is fuzzy to me, but I'm guessing it was FUCKING GENIUS). My brain sort of just fast forwarded to Arthur, Warden douche, and myself on this helipad, a pallet of fucking bills, STACKED, and a running helicopter. Arthur was totally hurt, and I was OVER the warden douche. I think he was begging me not to do it, and I was like, "You lil bitch," and I straight SHORYUKEN'ed HIM INTO A RUNNING HELICOPTER BLADE.

It was a lot like this, only the red arrows were his meat.


Anyways, I get Arthur some medical attention, and we're basically running the prison; like, we got some good food up in that bitch, and we kicked the SHIT out of all those asshole guards. And it's been like a week since our dude died, and we're chilling on the roof, like, sunbathing or whatever, and I get this letter in the mail from "the desert gov't" addressed to "CENAND" and marked "SUPER IMPORTANT." Arthur and I opened it, and it was A FULL FUCKING PARDON. We got so bummed, and then I looked to the sky and yelled. No shit. I cried a lil bit (I ain't no bitch, Cenand was the fuckin MAN), and then I SWORE REVENGE ON THE STUPID FUCKING SYSTEM THAT DID THIS TO CENAND. And then I woke up. Pretty sure that's better than ANYTHING Hollywood is doing right now, so if someone reading this knows someone in hollywood?

GIVE THEM MY FUCKING NUMBER AND TELL THEM TO FIRE THE ASSHOLE WHO WROTE THE NEW ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Because it was a piece of shit.