An open letter to super hero origins

Dear Cool Stuff,

My name is Chris. I'm 27, bored, and reaching out for something. For much of my life, I've read about individuals who were transformed through freak accidents, genetics, and purposeful experimentation. While most of these are cautionary tales ("with great power comes great responsibility," or the "we have to always do right" lesson), I wanted to take a moment to let the impossible know this: I'm waiting. Most superheroes are first reluctant citizens; the idea of helping others was imposed after they were granted powers, and those people lament it. I won't. Give me spider agility, or a healing factor, or the strength to lift mountains. The moral behind these tales is fine and good, but I don't care much for that: I just want superpowers.

I mentioned that many of these recipients are reluctant; I am not. I'm ready. I want to web sling. I long to battle villains. That's the type of thing I feel like I was bred for; not genetically, exactly, but at the very least I've been educated to do so. I know the types of situations heroes find themselves in, and the weaknesses of evil doers. I mean, I'm already ready already; let's do this.